15 things... that need adding to the hill-walker's vocabulary

LFTO presents some new words for experiences only hill-walkers would understand...

Abdoboing (n) Term given to the unpleasant but strangely exhilarating feeling experienced in the pit of your stomach when you look over a precipice. A similar reaction is common in the knees (patellovibe)

Blatting (n) ­Chronic process by which the contents of your nose are distributed over a large area while you are walking. Correction of this problem by use of a tissue is difficult as it usually occurs in rain, therefore the accepted method is to sniff every four seconds until you reach your destination.

Elderthrash (n) The phenomenon of being overtaken at some speed by a person far senior than yourself, usually on a steep slope, always when you�re knackered. Extreme cases are often accompanied by feelings of confusion, infuriation, and a deep questioning of the laws of nature and your own physical condition.

Fizzocrack (n) ­The feeling experienced when you've been walking in snow or cold wind for an hour then try to alter your expression. Is at its most severe when a smile is attempted.

Gruckle (n) ­ 1. The bits of hill debris that lodge in between the grips of your boots on a particularly muddy day 2. (inf. n) useless, heavy material that increases the weight of an object by up to 50 per cent and invariably slows progress. 

Lumbingo (n) Unpleasant, chilly feeling that occurs when a rucksack is replaced onto a sweaty back after sufficient interval for the sweat to go cold. Is invariably horrible ­even on a hot day, when logically such a feeling should be welcome. Related conditions/consequences include lumbingo rash and lumbingo stains.

Nobbletrot (n) ­The practice of not stopping on a summit due to bad weather, lack of a decent cairn or the presence of a large crowd.

Nyloburn (n) ­The irritation/rash you get between your thighs after a long day's damp walking in ill-fitting trousers. Occasionally experienced on the nipular area when wearing a t-shirt with a stitched logo. The latter case has the ability to completely ruin a day and/or your nipple.

Scurfing (n) ­The practice of slipping and sliding in an undignified fashion down a steep section of scree or scrubble. Often accompanied by feelings of terror and/or excitement.

Scrubble (n) An area of fragmented scree and rubble comprised of large boulders intent on tripping you up and moving in a precarious, unhelpful manner when you step on them.

Simpsonite (n & adj)­ Term of flattery applied to a person who is generally considered to be hard as nails. A true simpsonite is generally believed to be immune to death by conventional means and is as a rule generally grumpy and crotchety in a fierce teddy-bear sort of way.

Skrifter (n = offensive slg.) Derogatory term for a person who gets out of a rainy day on the hill by feigning injury or appropriating a gear-related excuse. Can be applied as the verb form, to skrift (i.e: "scrambling? I've not got the right boots for that, I'll have to skrift it").

Sponge creep (n) ­The process by which a sweat-damp base layer gradually migrates up your back during the course of a scramble. At its most unpleasant when you are wearing a waterproof jacket which chafes unpleasantly on the exposed patch of skin.

Toomanyel (n) term used to describe a mountain whose name is impossible to
spell without referring to a map, eg 1. Hellvelyn, 2. Carnedd Lewellyn, 3. Beinn Aliginn.

Whipsnips (n) ­Dangling attachments of questionable usefulness ­ often found on rucksacks or around the hood of a waterproof ­ that spontaneously attack their wearer in gusts of wind.